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Postby fluffy » Tue Sep 20, 2005 10:05 pm

are you getting married Lammy????????????????????? :shock: :shock:

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Postby lammy » Wed Sep 21, 2005 2:36 am

:? Fluffy, I still have time to call it quits, but in reality Jim and I will never be...I am engaged and am not sure if this is the right thing to do. Never have been engaged, never have been married.

I can't let my dreams get in the way of being happy-dreams sometimes don't come true and Jim and I will never meet. I do have a limited time and my partner doesn't like me being on the internet, although he is not with me all the time cause he is in a rehab house- :shock: I am really scared and I need some comfort right now- :(
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Postby lammy » Wed Sep 21, 2005 2:41 am

All I want is to be LOVED and he is willing to LOVE me- :( I really am scared though..alot..
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Postby mav » Wed Sep 21, 2005 2:44 am

It's not clear to me. Who are you engaged to? Why is he in rehab?
Are u not sure you want to marry him??

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Postby lammy » Wed Sep 21, 2005 2:55 am

I'm such in need of LOVE that I accepted to marry him- :? because I fear of being alone- :cry: I fear that I will be alone or the rest of my life. I know that I am LOVED by God and that is enough for me. But I need to be held and kissed, and told I LOVE YOU. He is a nice person but I think I am making a big mistke-he is not sure of himself and I have noticed this. I really need comfort, I need to know that he is the one to be my husband- :cry:

He was a drug addict that made some mistakes in his life but everyone desreves a chance. He doesn't party, he rather be home with me. I am just like darn, all he wants to do is have sex. I like cleaning and moving around, am not about staying on the cough...GRRRRR...I am really regreting this-wahhh- :cry: :cry: :cry:

Someone please help me- :cry: I need all the advice I can get- :?
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Postby cotton » Wed Sep 21, 2005 3:15 am

Love in a marriage needs to be equal. Don't do this or you will regret it. Those I love yous and hugs and kisses will not last forever and living with somebody that you do not love will be tough. Not only for you but your children also. Kids sense when things are wrong in a marriage and it will bother them.

There will be many times when you are going to question whether he loves you or not. I know because I didn't want to marry my husband but I did and now I am stuck. All we do is fight. :cry: But you are still free so you have a chance to get out of it. Tell him how you feel before it is too late.
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Postby lammy » Wed Sep 21, 2005 3:29 am

Yesterday he wanted to leave me because my brother made a dumb comment of me chatting online-which I don't but he didn't want to believe me- :? so he left me and came back and I was so close to taking of the ring and didn't- :? I feel he is not the MAN I know I can have but he is giving me love that I really need..it sucks to be alone- :?

Last week he made me cry when he said he was leaving me becuase he wasn't sure if he was going to Jail- :( I didn't want him to leave me, so I cried and felt so horrible for crying- :cry:

I really don't know and I have till Sunday to decide wether he is the one or not..and all help is welcome guys, please, marriage is a big deal and I don't want this to be a mistake- :? :?
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Postby cotton » Wed Sep 21, 2005 3:55 am

Sounds like there already are problems in your relationship. One of the main things in a relationship is trust. Him not being able to trust you will just make things worse. I am serious it is better to be alone then to be stuck in a miserable marriage for the rest of your life. Keep looking for mister right. Date have fun and enjoy your freedom. And enjoy your children after all they love you I am sure.
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Postby mav » Wed Sep 21, 2005 4:09 am

I too don't think you should go ahead with this marriage. Don't make the decision due to your insecurity/weakness. The guy doesn't look like he really loves you. Nor is he stable. jail? Does he have a house/income? It just looks headed for a lot of drama(disagreements, suspicions etc).

.... can put an emotional burden on you and the children.... maybe even financial burden....you'd have a difficult time getting out of it if you wanted to.

I don't know the solution for your loneliness, lammy, other than to focus on your family and job and God... I hope your desperation does not make you do anything foolish. If your instincts are saying 'no', that's what you need to go with.
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Postby fluffy » Wed Sep 21, 2005 8:18 am

AWe Lammy................babe...honey..........you've gotta take a good look at your engagement.............i've been there.........got the t-shirt...........

do you really want to spend the rest of your life with that man??..........life is short enough...............does he deserve you??...........
will you regret marrying him..............??
lonliness is shit..........but it makes you stronger too............don't see it as being lonely, see it as time to think................

B4 you marry you've gotta be sure........does he tick all the right boxes..........because if he doesn't someone else will...........and if you are married you'll be trapped.............

thinking of you........

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Postby lammy » Wed Sep 21, 2005 3:02 pm

Wow, you guys are so right. I don't think marriage should be thought about being trapped- :? But I've never been married, so I don't know how it feels.

I feel bad for him and maybe this is why I accepted, but I can't let this be the reason why I will marry him cause then I would want to marry everyone I feel bad for-LOL!!

I don't know how he will take the news that I want to wait to get to know him before marriage-marriage is no joke and it's for ever-and I know I deserve better.

Thankx guys-i'll keep you all updated!

I know he is going to hate me- :?
But I know Jim doesn't hate me- :D
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Postby fluffy » Wed Sep 21, 2005 4:33 pm

you need to do what feels right for you and the kids............You can't marry out of pity.............you'll end up hating each other...........it's gotta be for the right reasons.............but talk to him ...........find out how he feels...........you need to talk.........

be strong!! :wink:

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Postby quirky » Wed Sep 21, 2005 4:43 pm

Lammy I know how bad being single sucks. I hate being single. But I'd rather be lonely than be in a dysfunctional relationship. And that's saying something.
"When in doubt, tell the truth."
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Postby lammy » Wed Sep 21, 2005 7:20 pm

Thanx...we were not even engaged for a day and he was prohibiting me from doing excercise- :shock: I might of spelled that wrong..been such a long time since I sat down and wrote in english-but my spanish is getting better- :D

Yah, single sucks...but it is peaceful! I just don't want to get used to being single- :D :?
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Postby justfacts » Wed Sep 21, 2005 10:14 pm

I don't get marriage..(no I did not come from a broken home, my parents have been together since the 3rd grade)
It's great for other people but for me I never had the desire to be married..yes I love the companionship but I can have that without being legally obligated. I guess I have "hippie" blood, I think there is too much government and church involved in the whole married thing...
But before anyone gets offended.. this is my opinion for my life..I support anyone who wants to be or is married...You have to be comfortable in what you do and who you are...(can you picture me with the tie dye shirt and peace sign??
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