Hello

[quirky]

I told my Grandma today that I wanted to go fishing when my brother gets here.

She said, "Do you catch fish....or are you a worm drownder???"

She said my grandpa would go out and catch a 12 pack of beer and he always said he wasn't fishin' he was just drownding worms.

I actually usually am the one to catch something.

On a fjord in Norway I ALMOST ALMOST landed this big halibut, but he escaped at the last minute.

Anyway....back to men. Sometimes I think it was terribly unfair for my parents to give me so much and expect so much.

My father was SO very bright and talented. Even from a young age. (I've heard all the stories from my grandma.) But he was an enigma, too.

But I lived up to the expectations.

Now...I'm living on my 401K. I haven't been approved for benefits and I haven't pressed the issue, but I need to.

I sometimes think it would be unfair of me to get serious with anyone as long as I have the college debt and the medical debt.

At the same time, I feel like an animated doll with one battery. Waiting for the other half of the battery pack, but it doesn't come.

There are nights I really just ask God to take me....because I'm tired....life hasn't been easy. Then I realize my Grandma wants the same thing. And there are SO many ways that I make her happy. I feel like I'm here for a reason...it's just that I have no one to talk to as a friend. And the ONE I'd counted on hurt me SO badly.

I know you guys are here. But sometimes the jokes don't come. It's been that way for awhile.

[Laura Laing]

I like to go fishing too - caught a rainbow trout last year - the only catch of the day...

I get to feeling the same way....I've always done for others, trying to do everything that would make them feel happy. I've spent the better part of the last 11 years trying to cheer my mom up after dad skipped town. Then she broke her leg, and Neil had a couple of back surgeries and then she broke her other leg a year to the day and then they fused his spine - after which he had a 3 year addiction to painkillers. I thought that once these folks got over their illnesses we would all be greatfull and get on with life but that is not the case. Now I am being blamed for the life of hell - didn't know I was that powerful - and of course all the laundry is done and I still can't get people to stop yelling.....at least grandma appreciates you and loves you for just being you....for some reason I'm supposed to be much more.....

That's why I was so happy to have found a friendly green place to just be myself.....it really does help me get through some days

[Anna Chalova]

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[Ryan Wild]

what in the world are you all talkin about?

[Laura Laing]

Sorry RW I think we got off topic, but if you read back through I think you'll understand......Thanks for the lovely fishy Anna!!

[Clemmy]

BTW... it's not uncommon for us to get off topic, RW! You'll get use to it over time... and we have our great mods (moderators) to bring us back on track... although, some of them sway a little, too!!!!

[jimliker]

welcome Ryan Wild to JCO